THE NEW TRANSSEXUALS

Nomi Ruiz

Singer & Songwriter

Photo courtesy Nomi Ruiz

George Petros: HERE’S NOMI RUIZ. NOMI, IS YOUR MUSIC CONSIDERED HOUSE MUSIC?

Nomi Ruiz: Yeah. Have you heard the album?

IS WHITE HORSE ONE OF THE SONGS ON IT?

Nomi Ruiz: Yes. The singles we’re releasing are like House mixed with some R&B elements — and then the full record is more eclectic. It goes from Dance to R&B — a lot of Soul and some Psychedelia, too.

THAT COVERS A LOT OF TERRITORY.

Nomi Ruiz: Yeah.

WHAT WERE YOU LISTENING TO WHEN YOU WERE A KID?

Nomi Ruiz: I listened to a lot of Hip Hop and R&B and a lot of Freestyle. I grew up in Brooklyn, in Sunset Park. A lot of the environment I was around, that kind of music was kind of fed to me in the neighborhood and on the radio and stuff. I love Pop music, too.

WHEN YOU SAY FREESTYLE, YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT STUFF LIKE TKA AND SAPPHIRE AND LISA LISA —

Nomi Ruiz: Yeah. Yeah, definitely.

YEAH, I LOVE THAT STUFF.

Nomi Ruiz: Yeah, it’s so fun.

SO THAT WAS THE SOUND OF SUNSET PARK, WAS IT?

Nomi Ruiz: Yep. A lot of R&B. My mom listened to a lot of Willie Nelson and Lionel Ritchie. That really honest music —

WHEN DID YOU SPLIT FROM SUNSET PARK?

Nomi Ruiz: I roamed around a lot. People called me a kind of a gypsy. I roamed around a lot. When I was fifteen or sixteen, I moved to the Bronx — which was kind of forbidden. Everyone in Brooklyn was afraid to go to the Bronx. And I lived in Queens, and Manhattan —

WHAT WERE YOU LISTENING TO AT THAT POINT?

Nomi Ruiz: When I started moving around, I got more into Dance Music because I started getting into nightlife. I was listening to a lot of House Music — Latin House, Tribal House — stuff like that was influencing me —

WHEN DID YOU START SINGING?

Nomi Ruiz: I’ve been singing since I was a baby. My mom told me that she would drag me around and tell people, “She sings! She sings!” She used to sing to me when I was going to bed — she would cradle me and sing. I started kinda mimicking her. I’ve been singing since I was a baby. I’ve been working in the studio and writing songs since I was eleven or twelve. I haven’t stopped.

HOUSE MUSIC’S JOB IS TO GET PEOPLE UP AND MOVING —

Nomi Ruiz: Yep. You gotta make sure you got the rhythm. The rhythm section is really important to me. When the bass line comes in, that’s important too — we learned that playing live. That’s the only time that we see how people react to the music. We were playing a lot of live shows during the making of this record. So, we could see that it moved people. We could work on the songs live, and then bring that element to the recording.

TELL US THE NAME OF THIS ALBUM, PLEASE —

Nomi Ruiz: See The Light on Peace Frog Records.

WHAT DO YOU LISTEN TO WHEN YOU’RE NOT IN THE DANCE MODE?

Nomi Ruiz: I like Fleetwood Mac. I listen to a lot of Stevie Nicks. I listen to a lot of Soul Music like Nina Simone and Donnie Hathaway. Lauren Hill is one of my favorites. I’ve listened to Sade since I was young.

ANYWAY, BACK TO THE BRONX — WHAT WAS IT LIKE WHEN YOU WERE SIXTEEN?

Nomi Ruiz: It was a nice place to be by myself. It’s hard to discover yourself where you grew up and where you know everyone. I had my own space, so I could write.

WHAT KIND OF A KID WERE YOU? HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF IN THOSE DAYS?

Nomi Ruiz: I was always really popular. I was the class clown. I was a focal point — I really stood out. I was crazy and kinda Punk. I was kind of a Punk but not listening to Punk music. I was Punk in that I would do things that no one else was doing, fashion-wise. Usually people who are like that have a hard time. I was lucky because I made good friends. I always thought of myself as part of an important group of people. When I was young, I was really reclusive, too. I’d go home and lock myself in my room and fantasize and sing and dance.

WHEN YOU LOCKED YOURSELF IN YOUR ROOM, DID YOU DRESS UP?

Nomi Ruiz: I would take fabric and wrap it around myself. I like movement. I like things that can hang off my body that can move. I would grab curtains and twirl around to see the movement —

WHAT WAS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH THE KIDS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD?

Nomi Ruiz: I definitely stood out, and it was obvious that I was different. I drew people closer to me that way, and some people I pushed further away. People started to see that I was really working hard on my music when I started getting some success. Even though I was young, it started happening fast. There was always respect. I think the fear was inside of me. It didn’t come from outside. It was a kinda scary neighborhood. It was real machismo, and there were gangs everywhere. As I grew older, I felt protected by them because I think they really respected me — that I was being who I was. It was really unexpected. I thought it would be harder. There’s always a trauma when dealing with being an outcast. I felt that support. People could see that I was a good person. They knew me in a way that they didn’t know other people. It was really sweet to see people you don’t expect to support you kinda get behind you. I was lucky, even though walking to the train was kinda scary. You have to learn how to gain control of the things that you can’t control. You can’t control what people say to you in the street or if people treat you certain ways. Learning that at an early age really helped me get by.

THAT WISDOM COULD SERVE WELL FOR A LOT OF PEOPLE —

Nomi Ruiz: The first time I went to a Trans group meeting, I was really hesitant to go — but I had a boyfriend at the time who had a friend that worked there. It’s an important thing to just kinda go there —

WHEN DID YOU FIRST GO THERE?

Nomi Ruiz: That was maybe — I may have been nineteen. It was a great mix of these Trans women — there were like these older ones — I mean, before I went I was hesitant because I was like, “What can I learn from this?” You know? I didn’t know what would come of that. It’s really changed me.

I SEE. SO YOU WERE NINETEEN AND YOU WENT TO A MEETING FOR A TRANSSEXUAL SUPPORT GROUP —

Nomi Ruiz: Yes, that’s exactly what it was.

SO WHAT WAS THAT LIKE, WALKING IN THERE AND SEEING THESE FOLKS? WAS IT SOMETHING THAT YOU WERE FAMILIAR WITH, OR WAS IT NEW?

Nomi Ruiz: It was very new for me because I don’t really surround myself with a community of Trans women. I surround myself with people who just treat me like a normal woman. It’s nice to come together with people who have unique experiences — because no one else has such a specific experience. I think it’s important to know that you’re not alone. People learn from each other. It’s important to have some sort of connection to that.

SO THERE YOU WERE, A NINETEEN-YEAR-OLD BOY —

Nomi Ruiz: I was transitioning by then. I was a girl by then.

YOU GOT AN EARLY START —

Nomi Ruiz: Yes, yes, yes.

HOW EARLY?

Nomi Ruiz: When I moved to the Bronx. I had just turned sixteen. That was specifically why I moved — to have freedom to start living the way I wanted to, and not have to deal with people I’d known the whole time. I’d lived at my mother’s and I was going that way, and I felt like the pressure was on her watching me go through that in front of all these people that we’ve known for years —

HOW DID YOUR MOM TAKE IT?

Nomi Ruiz: I’m very lucky. She’s been very supportive the whole time. When I talk to her about it, she tells me how heavy it was for her and how she was very nervous for me — she’s very protective of me. We were very close. Now she’s admitting all this fear she had inside her. Sometimes she was a little embarrassed — but she never said that to me. She always allowed me to do whatever I wanted. She kept it all inside. It was probably tough for her. She really, really, really supported me. It was just so obvious since I was a child, that once I went through with the transition, my family was kinda like, “Finally. It’s about time. We’ve all been waiting for this.”

SO YOU STARTED TAKING HORMONES —

Nomi Ruiz: Uh-huh. I was fifteen, sixteen.

WHAT WERE YOU LIKE BEFORE THE HORMONES?

Nomi Ruiz: I was very feminine, very gentle. Everybody thought I was super-feminine. No one could deny it — even at school, the tough guys would always treat me like a girl. People knew right away.

TELL US ABOUT THE CHANGES THE HORMONES CAUSED —

Nomi Ruiz: It kind of eased my mind and my body, and I felt more relaxed. I became more introverted, and everything was more focused in my head, as opposed to physical things or reacting to things quickly — it’s almost like I became more adult. It was like this patience came over me — but also this sadness. I became really emotional and even more introverted. I wanted to be alone and think. I didn’t overreact as much as I had before. It definitely changed the way I felt about myself.

DO YOU HAVE BROTHERS AND SISTERS?

Nomi Ruiz: Yes, an older brother — he’s ten years older than me. He’s very supportive of me. He gives me so much love. He’s so proud of me. He’s always showing me off to his friends. I feel very blessed.

DOES HE COME TO YOUR SHOWS?

Nomi Ruiz: Yeah, he comes to my shows. He comes and he cries. He’s very emotional.

THAT’S SO SWEET —

Photo courtesy Nomi Ruiz

Nomi Ruiz: He is very sweet. I’m very lucky. I believe that that’s important. It’s kind of a problem in our community — it all starts with your household. That support system helps you build a healthy life. When you don’t have it, you have all this stuff on top of what you’re dealing with within yourself — stuff that all human beings deal with. Your upbringing, the unraveling that we all go through — so it’s another layer of stuff you have to deal with. There’s stuff within my family I had to deal with — but that, thank god, wasn’t really an issue. To this day there’s so much love there — I think all Trans people need that; it’s very important.

AND NOT EVERYBODY GETS THE LOVE THAT THEY NEED.

Nomi Ruiz: No they do not. I think there should be more focus on families that are dealing with that, because it starts there — and that can really create a lot of change. Nowadays I think it’s really happening; I’m seeing it a lot more — even on TV, programming is speaking more to the parents instead of just focusing on the Trans person and treating them like they’re this curiosity. They’re getting into the upbringing, so that we see the importance of love.

SCIENTIFIC ADVANCEMENTS HAVE ALLOWED SOME PEOPLE TO TAKE THIS EVOLUTIONARY STEP — WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE BEEN DOING A HUNDRED YEARS AGO? YOU WOULDN’T HAVE BEEN ABLE TO DO —

Nomi Ruiz: I think people were doing it — but in very different ways. It was another form of expression, another form of femininity that existed and that was, in a way — I think — more accepted. In the Native American culture, Trans people were called Third Spirits, and they were put on a higher platform. You were blessed to have a Trans person in your life because they were very nurturing and caring. As time went by, things got more materialistic in the world, and less spiritual. There’s been more oppression. There’s more devices to oppress people. Now, there’s a second coming of evolution that’s more spiritual.

WERE YOU DATING ANYONE WHEN YOU BEGAN YOUR TRANSITION?

Nomi Ruiz: I started dating someone when I was eighteen. It was my first real love. I used to try to teach myself, “You’ll never fall in love. You’ll never live this life that everyone else is striving for. Prepare yourself and focus on your work. You’ll never be in love. You’ll never get married. You’ll never have those experiences.” I built myself up that way, and then I was shocked when I met this man who felt the same for me that I felt for him. I was so used to feeling one way in my life, and this opened my mind. I have a hard time believing it when a man says he has feelings for me. I always think there’s something else going on. But you can’t avoid true emotions. Everyone is open to everyone. It’s something I learned from him. I was with him for five years.

HOW OLD WAS HE?

Nomi Ruiz: He was much older — thirty-two, and I was eighteen. We were together five years, and after him I met another man who was very sweet, and we were together for four years. I’ve had very good men in my life. We’re still friends — they’re like family.

I GUESS YOU HAVE TO BE ON GUARD AGAINST PEOPLE WHO HAVE DISINGENUOUS MOTIVES FOR WANTING TO GO OUT WITH YOU.

Nomi Ruiz: Yeah — I moved back to Brooklyn and I was this beautiful full-on hyper-femme woman. All eyes were on me at that point. There was all sorts of opportunities to meet men who really lived a hard life and who had these ulterior motives — they were itchy for the aesthetic. So I got into that darkness for awhile, really hard. I got addicted to seeing myself through another person’s eyes. I would get involved in these passionate relationships that were full of lust but not real true love. I was trying to label that as love, and that’s something I learned: As a feminine being you have to protect yourself more than anyone else. You’re really open to destruction. People see you as this insecure thing. You gotta really protect yourself.

I SEE. YOU’RE PARTICULARLY VULNERABLE BECAUSE PEOPLE KNOW YOUR BUSINESS —

Nomi Ruiz: People fetishize me.

HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE THE OBJECT OF A FETISH?

Nomi Ruiz: I was addicted to their addiction. It’s almost like physical lust, like that serious affair — there’s something more long-lasting about that. It’s almost like you’re both escaping through each other in this secret other world for yourselves. One day I had to put it into its place and realize, “This isn’t love.” Now I think I have that. I’m with one of those men. I know what it is, and it kind of keeps away the mystique of it — the passion. As I grew older, I realized what true emotion is. It can become something more. And now that it became all real to me, it’s good to be there with somebody that you love and respect, and who is there for you for your spirit and not just for the fetish. There’s people who take from you and never give, you know?

PSYCHIC VAMPIRISM?

Nomi Ruiz: Yeah, that’s totally what it is. I think Transsexuals are the most evolved beings on Earth. I really believe that, because we are forced to open our eyes to the world immediately. So when I’m with a man, they’re kind of attracted to that. They’re curious and they want to learn from you. They just want to consume you. I started realizing, as these men would come into my life — all they would do is take and learn all this stuff and leave me heartless. I’ve learned to tell the differences between those types of relationships.

GIRLS MUST LIKE YOU AS WELL. YOU MUST GET HIT ON BY THEM —

Nomi Ruiz: Yeah. I’ve had some crazy experiences with that. People who get emotionally attached and don’t see that — I get very close to people. I kind of like give my all to the friendship, and I’ve had people misconstrue that love for a different type of love. Sometimes I get twisted. It happens a lot with women. I never realized the alternative motive. It becomes this ugly thing that I didn’t even anticipate —

SO GALS GET PRETTY ATTACHED TO YOU —

Nomi Ruiz: Yeah, it’s just an open field.

REGARDING YOUR TRANSITION, WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY WHEN YOU FIRST WENT AND SAW HIM OR HER?

Nomi Ruiz: I started hanging out with some girl who knew, and kind of mothered me, and schooled me about the life and medicine — it’s a thing you have to teach yourself. At that time — now there’s many more studies. But even today there’s not a specific measurement. Some doctors just go day-by-day to see what specifically works for people. You learn from your surrounding community. So, I talked to a lot of girls, saw their results, and then I went myself to who I thought — you know, you meet a doctor and you feel — I’ve always only worked with people who I feel, or my intuition tells me, are good. Somebody says, “Oh, this is a great doctor!” and you go, and there’s like this cold feeling. It has to be right, because this stuff is an art form. When you’re transitioning you have to find someone who has an eye for beauty.

YOU’RE USING YOURSELF AS A CANVAS TO CREATE A NEW BEING.

Nomi Ruiz: Yeah. I haven’t really had much work done. I want to see how I naturally progress. I started at a young age; I was always very feminine. I wanted to see myself as myself, with a natural element of hormones in me. I love that. I have the same face. I have the same body. It’s just like pushed in a different way. It’s almost as if I went through puberty or something. Some girls get surgery to compensate for insecurity. And then they start realizing that they’ve detached their physical body from — even though it’s powerful to transition and be the woman that’s inside of you. Suddenly you become this woman who’s not even the woman inside you —

TELL US MORE ABOUT THE HORMONES —

Nomi Ruiz: Hormones are very powerful medicine that really changes who you are, and it really puts you — it attaches you to the feminine being inside you. It unravels your psyche, your body — it’s a beautiful thing. It’s like this thing that makes you feel that you’re on the right path. Every day you move forward. You grow more towards the woman who is inside you. It’s like your body naturally attaches itself to the image you have in your head and you have in your heart. I believe in manifesting what’s in your head — what’s in your mind. If you keep it there, it comes forth with whatever you put in your body. If you keep control of your transition, you feel free.

I SEE. COULD YOU TELL US ABOUT THE CHANGES YOU WENT THROUGH AS A RESULT OF THE SURGERY?

Nomi Ruiz: It’s really powerful. It’s frightening at first. It’s very painful. You feel really empowered. You literally feel free. The insecurities that you felt are off your back. That thing that was holding you back — you’re running free in the streets. You feel so much more powerful, and it allows you to finally put it in the past: “Now I can focus on the things in my life that I really love” — and for me, that’s music. Now I can go on stage and perform and feel like I’m projecting myself to the world. I want to be seen the way that was meant for me always to be seen.

HOW LONG DID IT TAKE FOR THE EMPOWERMENT TO KICK IN?

Nomi Ruiz: It took weeks, months — I was lucky because that was when my family was there for me the most. My mother was really there —

HOW ABOUT THE BOYFRIEND?

Nomi Ruiz: Yep. He was definitely there for me, always. It’s times like those that you realize who your friends are — who’s really there in your life. When anything happens in your life that’s extreme, everyone’s masks come off and you see who’s really there for you. It was a big thing for me to see all this love. It’s great. Afterwards, you feel like you’re closer to everyone. You’re more yourself, and everyone else around you becomes more themselves as well.

WHAT WAS IT LIKE THE FIRST TIME YOU MADE LOVE IN YOUR NEW ROLE?

Nomi Ruiz: Amazing. It’s more powerful. There’s not this insecurity. It’s just like — on the street, when you’re with someone, you see where your insecurities are, and they try to comfort you. You know, “I’m okay with who you are.” It was also powerful to find me, instead of having people trying to comfort me. Even though that’s really sweet — but I think it’s more powerful to say it to yourself and comfort yourself. I finally feel happy with who I am.

HOW DID YOUR BOYFRIEND LIKE IT THE FIRST TIME?

Nomi Ruiz: I think he really loved it. He was so happy to see me, and it’s like our relationship kinda went to a level that was just like — we were both free, you know? When you’re with someone, you feel their burdens as well. I believe in freedom. He was so happy to see me. So happy — he really loved me.

WHAT WAS IT LIKE THE FIRST TIME YOU STEPPED OUT AFTER YOUR OPERATION?

Nomi Ruiz: It was a really great feeling. When you’re doing your makeup, you’re like, “Wow — I’ve done it! I’m living my life.” People react to that. You’re happy and you feel beautiful and you look beautiful. Everyone notices, you know?

I DO.

Nomi Ruiz: It’s great. When I go up on stage, the insecurities just fall off of me. Your performance becomes more powerful, and people feel it more.

SO HOW DO YOU LIKE THE NEW YOU?

Nomi Ruiz: I think all Transsexuals are an example of what the whole world has the ability to do. I think that’s a big part of why we’re so oppressed — people don’t want to deal with that aspect. They don’t want to see that we have the power to change and to be whatever we want to be in the world. It’s almost like they’re afraid of it because they’ve lived their whole life and they’ve built this thing — since a lot of people are not really happy. Trans women exhibit this sense of evolution that everyone is going through, whether it’s with your body, or your family, or your career — we all have the power to do whatever we want, to be whoever we want. And so, when people say you were brave — we’re all brave, you know? We all have the power to be as we want, and if I can be an example to open people’s eyes and change their lives, I’m very happy to go away with that, you know?

THIS WAS PROBABLY NOT AN INEXPENSIVE PROCESS, RIGHT?

Nomi Ruiz: Yeah. There’s definitely some money you have to have. I actually used a lot of my college money — I got a lot of scholarships in high school; it was great to use that money, because I worked for it. I was very proud of those achievements. I was a very good student. I went to Fashion Industry High School and F.I.T. [Fashion Institute of Technology] for college. I did very well. That money that I got — I bought a computer and I saved money to have surgery. It just felt even more empowering. I knew a lot of girls who were kind of like suffering, working as escorts. That made them very unhappy. They couldn’t go through with the things they wanted, or whatever — I always promised myself, “I want to work for everything that I achieve.” There are a lot of underground-culture women who are selling themselves to find themselves. I think that automatically, that’s the first thing people talk to you about: “Oh, are you working?” Especially at the time — but I feel like things are really different now, from when I was transitioning. Back then, for some girls it was almost like second nature, and I was kinda shocked. A part of me was thinking about these heavy things. I had to stay true to myself. It’s not what I want. Some girls can do it — that’s what they’re drawn to. I can’t; I don’t want to. I just want to do things my way. And it really worked out for me.

A LOT OF GIRLS MUST HAVE BOYFRIENDS WHO PAY FOR THE OPERATIONS —

Nomi Ruiz: Even if I met a man who — it’s always been very hard for me to receive gifts from men. I wish I was better at that. [laughs] I would have more jewelry, probably. My mother always taught me that — I’ve worked my ass off since I was fourteen. I moved out at fifteen.

AT F.I.T., WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE SUBJECT?

Nomi Ruiz: Design — basically, design and sculpting and sewing and draping. I like to design garments. I was always in contests. I would always win — that was pretty cool.

DO YOU MAKE THE CLOTHES YOU WEAR ON STAGE?

Nomi Ruiz: Some of them I design with my friend Ava, who I met in high school. We’re best friends. She has a fashion line now. We design it, and have someone make it for us.

DO YOU WANT TO MENTION HER NAME AND HER LINE?

Nomi Ruiz: Her name’s Ava Sanjurjo, and the line’s called RICA. She has a swimwear line that I was the spokesmodel for. She does amazing things; she’s really great.

WHAT BECAME OF YOUR BAND HERCULES AND LOVE AFFAIR?

Nomi Ruiz: I only committed to that for a year. I was only there as a vocalist. I wanted to really focus on my songwriting. I finally found some musicians, and we all connected very well. I got to produce and work on my songwriting —

AND YOUR NEW BAND IS JESSICA-6?

Nomi Ruiz: Yep. Someone said it was like electronic R&B and Soul. I like that term. It goes from R&B to Dance to Soul to some Psychedelia. Like, we’re really free with each other.

DO YOU GET HIGH? ANY PARTYING YOU WANT TO TELL US ABOUT?

Nomi Ruiz: I shouldn’t talk about that — I might get into trouble. I’ll just say, I have fun whenever I want.

OKAY. SO, WHAT DOES THE FUTURE HOLD?

Nomi Ruiz: A lot of music, a lot of reaching out to my fans. I’m building a really loyal fanbase right now. It feels really good. I’m reaching more people with music and telling my story, and songwriting and stuff —

HOW ABOUT THE HUMAN RACE IN GENERAL? WHAT DOES THE FUTURE HOLD FOR THE REST OF US?

Nomi Ruiz: I think a lot of evolution is really happening now — and it’s going to happen more and more. I’m very excited for the future, I think. Everyone’s opening their minds. We’re all feeling more free. We’re on a good path.

WELL ALRIGHT — THANK YOU, NOMI.

Nomi Ruiz: Thank you. ~